September 27, 2018: The doctor plopped a little seven pound butterball on my chest and I was in love. Now let me be clear, it wasn't euphoric or magical like everyone describes. I was still very aware of what was going on and I probably asked the doctor forty times, "Am I okay? Is everything okay?" while she sewed my southern region back together for two hours.
Some time during our golden hour, a nurse helped me feed my baby for the first time. Everything hurt, so I really didn't know what was happening. It was precious though and I thought...okay, I just breastfed my baby!
I was brought to my room and a swarm of nurses got me situated and each one gave me a different piece of info about breastfeeding. One girl who I only saw once taught me how to do the football hold position. For whatever reason, this stuck with me, so each time I tried to feed, I tried this position. (Spoiler Alert: it never really took.)
***Side note: the night I delivered was a full moon and the beginning of a cold front in Colorado. The atmospheric pressure changed and there were 12 other babies born in the same few hours. I really believe that this is why I received less attention from hospital staff and an overall awful experience at the hospital.***
Another chunk of info I was given was that I only need to feed for about 5 minutes each time I fed...what I missed was that it was for the first 24 hours. So for two days I would basically try to feed my baby really hard for 5-7 minutes. Pretend she got latched and assume she was getting enough.
Pretty quickly though, she made it known that she was not getting enough to eat and she was starving. Before we knew it, she was down 10% of her birth weight and we were being given donor milk to syringe feed our baby with and told we had to stay extra time. It was disastrous and I felt horrible. I was always told that the hospital would have these amazing lactation consultants who would help me get a latch and teach me all the tricks I needed to know. Naive, I know.
Three days later we were able to go home and it was daunting to say the least. I was basically pumping exclusively every 2 hours and had to rely on my husband to syringe feed our baby because for whatever reason, she only took it from him. We were taught to stick our finger in her mouth to emulate a nipple and then slowly push the syringe while she sucked on our finger. It. was. horrible. I couldn't feed my baby and it was heartbreaking. After a few failed attempts at the syringe feeding, I made my second "maternal-instinct-decision" in my motherhood journey (the first was giving her a paci, haha.) and I decided we were switching to bottles and I didn't care if she never latched. I had to have the ability to feed my baby by myself.
Before each bottle, I would try to get a latch. I was in horrible pain and my nipples were bruised and battered. I didn't want to continue trying. It hurt so bad, y'all. Then out of nowhere, someone asked me if I'd ever heard of a nipple shield. This was a turning point.
I read all the blogs and headlines about them and like everything, there were people for and against them. But I had absolutely nothing to lose. So I sent someone out to get one, slapped that puppy on, and gave it a whirl. Life changing. My little tiny-mouthed, tongue-tied, lip-tied, newborn was nursing from me and I was in awe. (This is the one I used, and loved.)
Now I won't lie to you, it was still a pain to have to have this thing everywhere I went and could really only use it in private because at the end of every feeding my little stinker did her trademark, "peel and pour" move. And making sure it was washed and clean after every use was a pain too...but still. It was a miracle worker. **I feel like I should also note that the issue wasn't with my body, but my baby's. So if your anatomy seems average (not flat or inverted), don't think that a shield can't help you or your baby.**
Four months later, my husband told me I should just try and let her latch without it. I laughed and said "sure babe." I gave it a whirl, despite my fear of ol' Shallow Latch Vickers, injuring me again. And sure enough..she grew just enough that she was able to latch right on. What a blessing. We were able to travel home to Florida by plane with no shields. It was truly a miracle.
My biggest takeaway from all of this is that being a new mom is not easy. When I think about our first days together in the hospital, I could just cry and cry forever. There was a night when my sweet baby was screaming and crying so badly. I had no clue why. I thought "newborns cry a lot, who knows." But really she was starving and I wasn't feeding her enough. I feel like such an idiot. It didn't take long to learn her cries, or really any crying in the beginning usually means the baby is hungry. As much as I feel like I'm more prepared for the next kid, I also know each baby has his own set of challenges. So we shall see!
.....I'm still going 10 months strong breastfeeding and our next obstacle to overcome is teeth. Ha! Comment down below with your breastfeeding story!
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